http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Clipper-Darrell-s-12-000-custom-car-is-just-the?urn=nba,248602

Deek and Dubb did a post on this story a long time ago!

Monday, March 22nd

21st Century's Vanilla Ice

As much as I love this song, I think it settles once and for all that white guys can't dance.

This dude makes beats? shouldn't he have at least some rhythm?

2010 Resolutions/thank you Twitter

It's 2010, people. It's officially the future. I mean just look at it: '2010'. It's sleeker than 2009, more streamline and aerodynamic - sexier. It looks like a movie poster, a movie poster for a really good movie. In 2008 one of my new year's resolutions was for that to be the last year I make, and inevitably don't keep, new year's resolutions. Then around October, 2008, I realized that it's impossible to make a new year's resolution that would carry over into other years. So I guess I have to make some for 2010.

Before I get into that, I'd like to thank Twitter for changing their default question from 'What are you doing?' to 'What's happening?' Whenever I saw 'What are you doing?' I couldn't help but internally adding 'with your life' to it, and it always made me drink more.

On to the resolutions. I have decided for sure on the following 8:

1. Exercise 4-5 days a week, no exceptions, no excuses - Your boy Deek was starting to look like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick. Trying to look like this guy by 'oh eleven'.

2. Pick up a yet-to-be-determined, frivolously unhealthy habit to balance out the healthiness of exercising so much - Because who wants to be JUST healthy? Maybe start a freelance asbestos removal business? I'm open to suggestions.

3. Stop talking to/even acknowledging people who wear fingerless gloves - What. the. fuck. The part of my hands between my fingers and my wrist have never been cold to my knowledge. When I say my hands are cold, I mean my fingers are cold. Wearing fingerless gloves is like wearing a torso-less shirt or pants that only cover your legs from the thigh down. And what's with people who wear them all day, even inside where it's warm? I'm all the way over you people in 2010.

4. Get a pen pal - Never had one. Want one. Will probably write 1 letter and then lose interest. But hey, whatever, it's the future. Both pens and pals are on their way out, so get them while you can.

5. Not worry about 2012 - I spent a lot of time in 2009 worrying about potential impending doom that will be arriving in December of 2012. I'd rather not worry about it in 2010, but I make no promises.

6. Grow 2 inches taller - I would love to finally break the 6 foot mark.

7. Finish the 9 screenplays I'm working on - Yes, I'm that guy. No, I don't think I'll do anything with them after they're done other than have something that borders on a feeling of satisfaction.

8. Update this blog once a week - There, I said it. You witnessed it. And this time I fucking mean it.

That's it for now. I hope everyone's 2010 goes well! *don't worry about 2012, don't worry about 2012, don't worry about 2012...*

In the YEEEEAAAAR three thou-saaaaand, in the yeeeeaaaar three thou-SAAAAAND!

(in echo-ey voice): In the year 3,000, Conan O'Brien will be regarded as the biggest disappointment in late-night television history.

Now I usually try to be light hearted and fun on Deek & Dubb, the three times I posted last year (more on that later), but I want to get serious with you for a second: Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show is terrible. Now, before you throw your 1977 E Street Band commemorative mug at me, you'd better check my resume. I started watching Late Night with Conan O'Brien in 3rd grade. I used to stay up late and watch it with the volume on 5 so my parents wouldn't hear. I was there when they played 'Where in the building is Andy Richter'. I was there for Abe Vigoda's first cameos. I was there for 'Gonzo Television' and 'Apple Picking with Mr. T.' I was watching and supporting Conan O'Brien before you were even born.

With my staunch Conan support record solidified, let me also clarify what I mean by 'terrible.' I don't mean Jimmy Fallon or Craig Kilborn terrible. I don't mean George Lopez on a cable network terrible. And let's not even mention Carson Daly, because I would feel too bad for the word 'terrible' to use his name as a descriptive article. I mean not-as-good-as-we-were-led-to-believe-it-would-be...terrible. And therein lies the problem.

You want to know why Late Night with Conan O'Brien worked so well? It's the same reason underdogs win fights against superstars - there was no pressure, no expectation. Conan was a scrawny little grunt writer who's first appearance on national television was when he was brought out as the new host of 'Late Night'. People took one look and said 'I give it 6 months, tops.' Conan thrived under these conditions due to his astute understanding of self-deprecating humor and doom in general. It was funny when he made jokes about how shitty the set and special effects were, or how nobody watched the show, because it was all true. Hell, even in the original opening montage he is preparing to hang himself. He could also do gags, and treat guests in a way that most hosts would shy away from for fear of being fired, because what's the difference if he's fired today or in 3 months when the show's a failure?

This is what made us fall in love with Conan. He was a person on TV that you felt sorry for, who convinced you that your shitty job was better than his, even though he was in show business. However, once he moved to the Tonight Show, he couldn't use those jokes anymore. He couldn't say the show was jank, because it's an American television institution. Jay Leno's smug, arrogant, Hollywood persona, as difficult as it was to stomach, worked perfectly for the darling show of late night television. When they promoted Conan, they unwittingly cut the comedic legs out from under him. It's like putting Shaq in at point guard - yeah Shaq's a great basketball player, but only in the context of the center position. Put him in at point guard, where speed, agility, and ball handling skills are what will make you successful, and he's going to fail miserably.

It's hard to watch, because I wanted nothing more than for Conan to be a huge success, the next Carson - or better. But unfortunately what I feared would be the case has become the case: Conan just wasn't cut out to be the big star NBC is trying to make him into - the type of person he constantly lampooned, to the audience's delight, on Late Night. In a way it makes me happy, happy that he didn't sell out. I'm happy to see him sinking the ship his way, not bending to NBC's every whim and humiliating himself in the inevitable process of slow and painful failure. What I want is Old Conan back in Old Conan surroundings. I want him to get demoted, just imagine the jokes he'd have! He could make Late Night the new Tonight Show instead of vice-versa. I'd watch it.

November Comedy Shows!

Hey Friends!

November is my BIGGEST COMEDY MONTH yet! Many of the shows are FREE!!! Here is a list of my shows:

Nov. 4th – 8PM, FREE SHOW!! I am performing in the Main Room at the ICE HOUSE in Pasadena. The first 12 people to email cashier@icehousecomedy.com get in for FREE, but you have to do so BY THE END OF TODAY!! I am performing a set for the CTN (Comedy Time Network). A 2 drink minimum is still enforced, but they can be cokes!



Nov. 7th – 10PM, Acme Comedy. I will be performing in this year’s LA COMEDY FESTIVAL! just $9.99 if you book in advance or $12 at the door. This will include not only stand up, but great sketch and improv comedy as well. I will be performing with the very funny and lovely Sara Benincasa and Chicago's The Cool Table.



Nov. 8th – another FREE SHOW!! 5PM to 10PM @ the Brass Monkey with live comedy and live bands featuring Kevin Biggins, writer for Family Guy and The Cleveland Show. BRIAN WATTS ended up in all caps, and even though I think it was an accident, I'm going to go ahead and say this show is featuring ME! More info can be found here.

Nov. 12th – 8PM at Acme Comedy. ROUND 2 of the LA COMEDY FESTIVAL. This time I’m performing with the very funny Swagger and Cell Camp.



Nov. 15th – 9PM in the Main Stage of THE IMPROV in Hollywood. $12 to reserve ahead of time or $14 at the door. I will be performing with the Men's Club Comedy Tour. RSVP now by calling (310) 614-7724. So far, this has been my favorite place to perform. Always a great show here. They are asking me to bring a lot of people, so I would appreciate the support. If you make it to this show, the comedy store show is FREE! And I will gladly come support you at your next show. A two drink minimum is enforced, but they can be cokes!



Nov. 22nd – 8PM for a FREE SHOW!! in the Main Stage of the COMEDY STORE. If you make it to any of the other shows throughout the month, this show is FREE (for the first 10 people to claim tickets... just 4 more left!!) . Featuring Vargus from Def Jam Comedy. A two drink minimum is enforced, but they can be diet cokes!



Nov. 28th - The Spotlight Club in Studio City, CA. Always a good turnout for Thanksgiving day weekend. Just $10 and 1 item minimum from the menu. FREE parking!! 7:30 PM. www.rebelsofcomedy.com

Hope to see you there!

Thanks,

Brian aka "Dubb," but only online.

Fashion. Dosh.

Deek claims he doesn't know anything about fashion. But, I have personally witnessed him once wear a collared shirt. Of course when I say "a collared shirt," I mean the one collared shirt that he owns. When I say "the one collared shirt that he owns," I mean the one collared shirt that someone left at our apartment in college after a party which happens to be Deek's size so he hung it in his closet. And Deek, speaking of raccoons, check this out:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Racooning

Anywho... fashion.

So, a friend of mine is currently starting a fashion company consisting of unisex ties completely made of recycled materials. Also, all of the ties are inspired by other aspiring artists. (I thought about the previous sentence for 10 minutes to make sure it made sense. I'm still not sure, but I'm moving on.)

Personally, I think it's pretty cool. It's a great idea by a great designed, Dominique Schweighofer. And that's not just cuz I was asked to be the featured comedian on her lists of aspiring artists, no. That wouldn't make sense. Mainly because I'm not for certain that comedy is an art. (because it pays so well)

Anywho... Dosh.

Dosh is that name of the fashion line. Dosh's website defines Dosh as a noun and "a fashion label that showcases a mix of diverse media from emerging artists (created by using recycled materials)." Notice it says "diverse media" and "emerging artists" NOT "emerging media" and "diverse artists," which makes sense since all performers were Caucasian. There was no diversity amongst the artists. And, I was proud to be the only artist who took the "recycled materials" part of the definition to heart as all of my jokes were 100% recycled.

All joking aside, what a fabulous idea. I'm flattered and humbled to be apart of it.

The DOSH website is coming soon, but you get the first sneak peak here, at deekanddubb.com, your number one spot for fashion:


ahhh always been a big fan of the paisley.
well hello. like you're in the army! i'd keep my weed in that pocket. i mean my canteen!! i'm sorry. i'd keep my canteen full of weed in that pocket..


All photography by Patrick J Ferguson, my friend who sleeps 10 feet away from me. (no homo)

For some reason he only takes pictures of me OUT of focus:

i have cleaned and cut my fingernails since this picture.

Raccoon Tail People: Why do they do it and do we need them?

First of all, I would like to apologize to Dubb. He has been carrying more than his fair share of the weight on this blog, and frankly, he's done a fantastic job. But in all fairness, he does weigh like twice as much as me. However, my new year's resolution was that in mid-July I would start blogging more, so I promise I'll be better about it.

For my 'coming out of retirement' post, I want to address something that's been plaguing Dubb and I for a couple of years now: people wearing raccoon tails with their otherwise normal looking clothes. We first ran into this phenomena at the Indiana University Memorial Union while playing pool. Three characters, and I may mean this literally - I still don't know for sure - were wearing raccoon tails that had been fastened to the back of their jeans. Since then, I've seen a 35 year old woman wearing one in a shitty Chinese buffet in Indianapolis, two kids wearing them outside of Wrigley Field in Chicago, and Dubb's most recent sighting in LA.

Now, I've never been accused of being a fashion expert, but I try to keep my finger on the pulse of the industry. As soon as I saw Ed Hardy shirts in stores, I said 'it's only a matter of time until every douchebag I know has one of those,' and look what happened. However, the raccoon tails were a complete shock to me, so I decided to do a little research. I came up with two possible explanations.

1) Anime. I read that the raccoon tails might be part of an anime-inspired 'scene,' which is based on Japanese animation where girls are often depicted as cats....and apparently guys as raccoons. I have two problems with this: 1) I'm allergic to cats, so seeing girls dressed like them doesn't arouse me, it terrifies me, and 2) Why do guys have to be depicted as garbage munching scavengers? I'm not with it. If the tails have anything to do with anime, I don't support them.

2) Furries. In case you're like me and 30% of Americans and aren't knee deep in the furry subculture, it's where people dress up like animals for either fantasy or sexual purposes. The tails may be a badge of sorts to alert other potential furries that you're hip to their game. Now I don't judge anyone, if you want to dress up like the Easter Bunny and Bullwinkle and go at each other, be my guest(s). But if you're going to go - go all out. Don't wear just a raccoon tail and confuse everyone else. Stand up and be counted.

In my opinion, the raccoon tail people, no matter their reasons, should stick to conventions and sex shop back rooms. I mean, if their tails could make them fly like they do Mario, then shit, where do I sign up? But even the Star Wars fanatics and Trekies have enough common sense to look normal 95% of the time. I don't dress up like Allen Iverson everyday like I'd like to. I feel the raccoon tail people exercise the same courtesy.

Subway workers are idiots... or are they?

Like me, I'm sure some of you have eaten at a restaurant where the cash register has a sign stating something like "If you do not receive a receipt, the meal is on us." And if you're like me, you go to this place and silently pray every time that the cashier will forget to give you one.

(also, you know how you always hope the atm machine will accidentally give you an extra 20 or so? about a year ago the atm machine in the IU library's basement gave me an extra 30. BAM!)

Anyway, the subway near me has an intriguing sign:


Think about this for a second. This appears that CG investments cares about its customers, but is also dumb enough to think this will impress customers.

So, the workers at subway are so dumb, that not only do they get a chance to deny you a receipt, they also get a chance to re-deny you a receipt when you ask for one.

What if you, the customer, after asking for a receipt after not receiving one automatically, are told "no." You would then have to say "Ok, so according to your sign, after asking for a receipt and still not receiving one, this says the meal is on you guys, so may I have my money back please?"

And you know what their response would be?

"Oh, you just paid for that sub? do you have any proof that you just paid for that sub?"

Touche, Sub-way...

for having the power to never give away a free sub, but making all of your customers have a false hope that it might happen to them.

Brian Watts on Facebook

Professional Background Artist

If you've ever been an extra, you know it's pretty lame. You are treated like scum and you feel like scum. But you have no responsibility, you hardly work, and you get free food. So, I guess it's bitter-sweet. You also get to meet a lot of people if you want to, but the people you meet are usually really weird.

For example,

Yesterday I was an extra on this shoot downtown. There was a fun, attractive girl who sat across from me. We were chatting a little bit about reggae music (which i know nothing about) and then started talking some more. I asked her about her work schedule and she responded, "are you trying to ask me out on a date?" I said "no."

Then when I asked what there is to do in Hermosa except go to the beach and she told me about how she goes out to Italian dinners all the time...alone. And that it would be really great to have a boy go with her. I didn't respond. She goes "Umm do I have to beg you to take my number? Get out your phone." So I did! Yes, it seemed desperate but there was something very interesting about this girl. I found it very bold. And I was intrigued.

But.

5 minutes later, right in front of me, she is giving her number to another guy. I texted deek letting him know what was going on and he gave me the best advice: Call her and ask her what she thinks she is doing!

Not too long after this all took place, we're waiting around in this book store where the film was being shot, and since it was passed midnight everyone was lying on the floor. I decided to join everyone. When I woke up about 30 mins later, that girl is lying next to me and decided to show me her broken heart tattoo, which was on her ass. She also informed me that she wanted to get it changed to a connected heart in the near future. Metaphorical? Quite definitely.

Then the guy who she had given her number to came up behind me and started doing yoga. Then the girl and her friend started stretching, and this is all going on around me.

As we left later on, I told her goodbye and she went in for a hug/kiss on part of my cheek and part of my lips.

I think this girl is unstable. and i'm secretly kind of okay with that.

OH! She's also coming to my birthday party next week and I am very excited to figure out the ending of this little romance. It will undoubtedly be awkward, but also entertaining for a later story/blog for you fine four committed readers. And I thank you for reading.

<3 Brian

(please note the heart i signed this with looks broken, but it is indeed together, beating, loving and strong. xoxoxox)

Stand up clips!

I finally put up some of my stand up material which can be viewed non-exclusively here at deekanddubb!

a few fails

some of you may have heard of failblog, which is a slightly more successful blog than deekanddubb. oh, just slightly. (actually, by starting this blog as "some of you," i am already assuming that at least more than one person will read this, which could very well be a false assumption. yes, this is a passive way of asking you to comment. i am sorry. and i am desperate.)

Anyway, I found two fails myself and decided to post them on my own blog! Both of these pictures were taken with my phone, which is not an iphone. those terms do not go hand in hand. other mp3 players exist. not all are ipods. anyway, again, the fails:

The first: A facebook error.


I guess, technically this isn't necessarily wrong, but then again it is also not right.

Secondly and Finally (see, i know how to word stuff much better), here is a special going on at CVS:


Quite a deal on them cups!